Effortless
by cshocke
Summary: This is how Eclipse should have ended.  Bella is conflicted with her choice, she actually take the time to figure out what she truly wants.
1. Chapter 1

This begins mid-chapter 26 of Eclipse, page 592. When Bella goes to Jacob after the big battle with the newborns to tell him she has chosen Edward. The italiced is from the book.

_I stepped in and shut the door behind me._

_ "Hi, Jake," I murmured._

_ He didn't answer at first. He looked at my face for a long moment. Then, with some effort, he rearranged his expression into a slightly mocking smile._

_ "Yeah, I sort of thought it might be like that." He sighed. "Today has definitely taken a turn for the worse. First I pick the wrong place, miss the best fight, and Seth gets all the glory. Then Leah has to be an idiot trying to prove she's as tough as the rest of us and I have to be the idiot who saves her. And now this." He waves his left hand toward me where I hesitated by the door._

I could see I caused the pain on his face and not his injuries. For he knew that I was here to inflict the worst kind of heartache upon him. I was going to say goodbye, that I loved Edward more.

Slowly, I began to feel the strings Jacob mended my heart with give way. I was overwhelmed with guilt; I could not catch my breath.

Jacob, as if seeing the hole in my chest return, motioned for me to join him on his bed.

Against my better judgment, I made my way over to his bed. I was standing there next to his bed looking down at his broken body, too afraid to touch him. Afraid that I might cause even more pain.

I closed my eyes, fighting back the tears that were threatening to overflow. Then I felt his warm hands take mine, gently pulling me down on the bed with him.

Without opening my eyes, I molded myself into his uninjured side. My head was spinning from the heat of his bare chest and musky, earthy smell that radiated off his body.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." Jacob was muttering into my hair barely audible.

"Jake?" I asked, knowing I could not keep prolonging what I was here to say.

"Shh, Bells. It can wait." Jacob hushed me.

I opened my eyes to glance up at his face; I could hear my breath catch at the pain I could see in his eyes. Then I noticed the single tear that was slowly streaking down his russet cheek.

I could physically feel the gaping hole in my chest getting larger, knowing the pain I was causing Jacob. My Jacob, my sun. I loved him but it was not the same as I felt for Edward. Edward was my drug, I was addicted to Edward.

Jacob slowly entwined his free hand into my hair. My head was on his chest. I could hear the soothing, rhythmic beating of his heart. A quiet calm overtook me. I could feel my body relax.

In this moment, all felt right, laying here next to my best friend, which I now knew I loved. How could I bring myself to say the words that would destroy this feeling of inner peace I just seemed to have found?

Not wanting to end this doomed happiness, I felt my eyelids getting heavy. The events of today finally took their toll on me.

I found myself standing in the meadow, facing the two men that I loved, and both beckoning me to join them. I instantly started walking toward Edward, to grab his out stretched hand.

But before I could reach my destination, I heard Jacob pleading.

"Bella, you have options!"

I stopped and turned to give Jacob an apologetic look, I was startled by the warm inviting glow that surrounded him. When I looked past him, I could see the smiling faces of Charlie, Renee, Phil, and the whole pack, Emily, Angela, Ben, Jessica, Mike and Eric. Just behind my loved ones, with their backs to me, I saw two small black haired children running and jumping in the meadow. Their sweet laughter sounded angelic.

My head snapped back to Edward as I heard his velvety voice.

"Bella, my love, it's time to go."

As I started walking toward Edward, I was shocked by the cold, gray emptiness that surrounded him.

I opened my eyes, momentarily confused at where I was. Then I heard the drug induced snoring that vibrated through Jacob's body. I glanced at the clock; alarmed to see it was 10:30. I had to get home to Charlie.

I knew that after taking the painkillers that Carlisle had given him, Jacob would be unaware of my leaving. I would have to put off till tomorrow, destroying my best friend.


	2. Chapter 2 Sacrifies

**Chapter 2 Sacrifices**

The drive home was becoming increasingly difficult, I could not concentrate on the road. Rain was slamming down on my windshield faster than my wipers could sweep it away. My left arm wrapped securely around my waist, trying desperately to hold myself together.

As my truck slowed to a stop in front of my house, I could see lights on. Great, Charlie was waiting up for me. I had to get past Charlie's questioning about my fabricated shopping trip with Alice, to be able to get to my room.

Before turning my key in the lock, I took a deep breath in, preparing myself to appear normal. I kept my head down watching my feet as I walked into the entryway.

"Hey, Bells. How was shopping with Alice?" Charlie asked from his favorite chair, without taking his eyes from the television.

"Exhausting, I'm going to head to bed. Night dad." I said while stifling a yawn.

Once in my room, I crashed on my bed, neglecting to even change my clothes.

Morning started to the sound of Charlie's cruiser pulling out of the driveway. I sat up in bed, rubbed the sleep out of my eyes with my fist. Surprised to notice Edward was not sitting in the rocking chair in the corner, where I expected him to be. I glanced at my window; I must have forgotten to open it last night in my fogged state. I expected to feel disappointed but shocked to realize that it was relief that I felt. I reassured myself that it was because I have yet to sever the tie to Jacob. When I saw Edward again, I needed to be completely his, and his alone.

Slowly, I willed myself to get out of bed to shower, no point in postponing the task at hand. I stood in the shower, letting the hot water flow over me until the water ran cold. After drying off, I threw on a pair of jeans and a fitted black tee shirt. I stood in front of the bathroom vanity unable to focus on my own reflection as I brushed my teeth and pulled my hair into a ponytail. All I could see in front of my eyes was the pained expression on Jacob's face yesterday as he waited for me to declare that my love for him was not enough.

Trying to escape the dull ache his face caused in my gut, I ran out of the bathroom, grabbed a sweatshirt from my closet and rush down the stairs. I started to turn toward the kitchen but the dreadful acid churning coming from my stomach was sufficient warning not the attempt to eat breakfast. So instead I headed straight for the front door.

Once my truck was on the road, headed in the familiar direction of La Push, I tried to focus on the words I would say to Jacob. The more I played the scene in my head, the quicker I had to swallow back the bile building in the back of my throat. My foot pushed harder on the accelerator, I had to get this over with so I could feel whole again.

As I approached Jacob's little red house, I could see Carlisle's black Mercedes parked in the driveway. Fear enveloped me, what if he had taken a turn for the worse. I jumped out of my truck and raced to the front door. I didn't even knock instead I just barged in. Carlisle was standing next to Billy, seeming to be giving him an update on Jacob's condition. The only unsettling look on either's face came from my unexpected burst through the front door.

Carlisle gave Billy a reassuring pat on the shoulder and started walking toward me.

"Bella, if you would please, walk me to my car." Carlisle requested with a polite smile formed on his lips.

We walked to his car in silence, when he had his door open; he turned to me with a serious expression and warning eyes.

"Bella," he began, "Jacob is strong and has the ability to heal remarkable fast. But I don't feel his body can take any more stress at the moment. He needs you right now, be there for him as he as been there for you. I will explain this to Edward."

Before I could process my thoughts, Carlisle was pulling out of the driveway.

I found my feet carrying me in the direction of First Beach instead of back into the Black's house. Instinctively I found the driftwood bench that held so many cherished memories of my days with Jacob. He truly was my sun, Carlisle was right; Jacob had been there for me. If not for Jacob, I shuttered thinking of how I would ever have survived the past year.

With my eyes closed, I leaned my head back letting the sun beat down on my face. It was a beautiful, warm June day in La Push. I sat listening to the tranquil sound of waves hitting the sand. My mind was free to wonder, it flashed back to the very first day, in this very spot where Jacob told the tales of cold ones and wolves. Life was so much easier before all the myths and monsters appeared. For a fragment of a second, I wished the tales had remained only a "scary story". But that would mean life without Edward, and that was not a sacrifice I was willing to make.

A shadow crossed over my face, I opened my eyes to see Quil standing over me.

"Bella, Jacob is awake and he is asking for you." He said as he offered a hand to help me up.

Quil's warm hand on mine reminded me of Jacob, and how natural it felt to be hand in hand strolling down the beach. Looking back now I wonder how I never realized the true depth of my feelings for Jacob. Was I so blinded by Edward leaving, that I didn't notice while Jacob sewed my heart back together, he also took possession of it?

Before I could answer my own question, Quil nudged me.

"No need for such a strained look, Bella. Jake will be fine, he'll be out patrolling before you know it."

Quil reached the Black's front door before me; he held it open for me to step inside. Billy was sitting in his wheelchair, watching some game on the television. He looked up at me with a curious smile.

"Good to see you back today, Bella." Billy chimed. "Go on back, Jake is waiting for you."

I stood in front of Jake's bedroom door; a sudden urge to turn and run from the house overcame me. But I steeled myself, raising my fist to softly knock on the door. I could hear Jacob let out a deep sigh from the other side.

"No need to knock, Bells. Just come on in." Jacob had a hint of irritation in his voice.

I turned the knob and slowly pushed open the door. My eyes fixed on the floor as I stepped into his room.

"Bella, you look like you just lost your best friend." Jacob laughed sarcastically.

I could feel the air being sucked out from my lungs. I rushed over to the bed, crumbling down to the floor, supporting my forehead on the edge of the mattress. Wracking sobs overtook my whole body. I could feel Jacob's warm hand gently stroking my back but he did not say a word.

We stayed that way until Jacob moved his hand from my back to under my chin. He lifted my head off the mattress, until our eyes met. The level of despair and torture in his black eyes was unfathomable. I desperately wanted to take the pain away for him.

"You know I love you." I whispered.

"I know Bells, but I love you more." Jacob's voice was hoarse from trying to control the pain. He took a deep breath in and closed his eyes to continue. "I have decided to stop tearing you in half. I love you enough to stop fighting for you, deep down; I knew it was a hopeless cause anyway. But Bella remember _I'll always be waiting in the wings. You'll always have that spare option if you want it."_

"Jacob, you saved me. If I didn't have you, I never would have survived after Edward left. That is why I am here, to be here for you when you need me. I am returning the favor." I said with a weak smile. "I'm not ready to say goodbye, but I also want you to know that I am here as your friend not anything more. I don't want to hurt you further by allowing you to get your hopes up. But if you would rather I stay away, I will understand."

"I will always want you around." Jacob spoke in a breathy voice. He then rolled over on his side, propping himself up on his elbow. Obviously in a lighter mood, teasingly asked, "So does this mean you are going to be my nurse?"

I playfully swatted my hand at him, feeling relieved to be granted this precious extra time with him.

"So what do you want to do?" I questioned him.

"I could really use a sponge bath." Jacob smiled, the smile that I loved.

My cheeks reddened. "If you can't behave, I won't stay."

The rest of the day went by quickly, it was just like the old days of Jacob and Bella. There were only casual conversations and light teasing, no more emotion filled discussions. When Jacob slept, I busied myself by putting some order back into the Black house. I straightened up the house, did some laundry and fixed dinner. When I left for the day, I assured Jacob that I would be back tomorrow to spend the day with him.


	3. Chapter 3 Complications

**Chapter 3 Complications**

The next couple of days passed much the same. I spent the days with Jacob while he healed. We avoided serious talk, keeping things light and uncomplicated. My nights were spent with Edward, although he came after I was asleep and was gone each morning before I awoke. But I knew he had been there which gave me great comfort.

Then one day I pulled to a stop in front of Jacob's house, alarmed to see him bounding toward my truck. Spread across his face was that smile that I loved.

"Dr. Fang took me off of bed rest. I can do everything except phase. He said I still have to wait at least another week for that." Jacob spoke quickly from exhilaration.

Before I could respond, Jacob had the door of my truck open pulling me out into his warm embrace. With his arms wrapped around my waist, he lifted my feet off the ground and swung me around in circles. His enthusiasm was intoxicating.

"Can't . . . . breathe." I managed to croak out.

After he put my feet back on the ground, he grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward First Beach.

"Feel like spending the day on the beach with me?" Jacob's voice was still over flowing with excitement.

As we strolled down to the beach, the happiness that I felt for Jacob slowly began to turn into despair. His healing brought with it the realization of the impending heartbreak that would come from saying goodbye. It was as if Jacob could read my mind, his cheerful chatter quickly faded until we were walking in complete silence.

I sat down on our driftwood bench; Jacob sat in the sand in front of me. He leaned back against my legs, and rested his head on my knees. My hands were running through his now shaggy black hair. I wanted to remember this moment, cherish every second I had left to spend with Jacob.

"Bells, Is marrying him what YOU really want to do? Because I don't think it is. I know you better than anyone else, including him, and I think you are doing this just to please him." Jacob questioned quietly not wanting to start an argument.

"It's not that simple, Jake."

"But it can be." Jacob whispered.

I leaned over to nestle my cheek on the top of Jacob's head, my arms wrapped around his neck. He gently took my hands in his, bringing them up to his lips. Jacob was placing soft kisses on the backs of my hands. The heat from his lips had an overpowering affect on my body; my head was spinning, my heart raced at an audible speed, my breathing was coming in short rasps.

"You know this is what is right, you and me. I love you, Bella. This is the natural path our lives were destined to take." Jacob's voice was calm and practical.

I was thankful that I could not see his face, because I was sure the pain that was there would literally rip my heart from my chest. Slowly, I pulled my hands away from his burning lips and out of his hands. I wanted to run, to get away from this excruciating pain. How come every time I found happiness in life, it ends up being torn away from me? I truly wanted to be happy. And at this moment, I could not be further from it.

Jacob slowly turned to face me, his eyes searching my face so intently that I was sure he would be able to see my thoughts. He cupped my face with his fiery hands.

"I just don't understand how you can deny this, deny us." His voice was surprisingly loud.

"Jake, it's not like I have a choice." I whispered, turning my face out of his hot hands.

"That is where you are wrong, Bella. You have a choice, and I'm afraid you're not going to realize that until it is too late. Do you know what this is going to do to Charlie? You owe it to the people in your life, the people who love you, to make the right choice. You really don't want to become a monster." Jacob spoke with wisdom beyond his sixteen years.

"I just don't know what else to do. I love Edward. I can't live without him." My voice pleaded for Jacob to understand.

"Bells, honey if you remember you did survive after he left. Other than being hunted by a vampire, I would like to believe you had started to find happiness. . . happiness with me." The last three words were barely above a whisper.

Tears overflowed my eyes, rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. My brain could not even form a thought through the immense pain caused by the truth of Jacob's words. Jacob carefully gathered me into his large embrace. The tears just kept coming, soaking the chest of Jacob's tee shirt where my cheek rested. My arms wrapped around his muscular neck, I felt as though I was holding on for my life, or perhaps my sanity. How could I ever let go, I needed Jacob.

Slowly, I lifted my head from Jacob's chest, turned my face to look into the deep wells of his dark eyes. I was trying to find the words to say, words that would take away the pain we were both in. Jacob's hands came up to encircle my face, his thumbs sweeping away the still flowing tears. I could feel his hot breath tickling my face, the heat giving my cheeks a feverish appearance. My heartbeat quickened, the sound magnified by Jacob's heart, beating in time with mine. Our breathing coming in short, ragged breaths, perfectly in sync. Butterflies were fluttering frantically in my stomach.

I was confused by my body's response to Jacob's proximity. My brain was telling me; I had made my choice, this was not what I wanted. This was Paris not Romeo, wasn't it? Before I could process any of my thoughts or feelings, Jacob's warm, soft lips were slowly caressing mine. His hands moved from my cheeks into my hair. A small groan escaped my mouth. Our lips melted into one another; then without reason, Jacob pulled away. Dropping his hands from my hair, he avoided eye contact by keeping his eyes fixed on his hands that were now resting in his lap.

This kiss was completely different from the passionate and forceful kiss we shared on the side of the mountain. The forcefulness of that kiss was necessary to make me realize my love for Jacob. But this kiss was filled with hurt, sorrow and unspoken longing. I always seemed to be hurting Jacob.

"Bella, I'm sorry, I don't mean to make things harder for you." Jacob was always so selfless, worrying about me and not his own pain.

I placed my hand under Jacob's chin to raise his face, so he could look into my eyes.

"I love you, Jake. You fixed me when I was broken; I need you in my life. I need you like I need to breathe, you are my sun. But you deserve so much better than me. I'm not good for you; you need someone who can give you their heart completely, someone who is not a total mess."

"Why don't you let me decide what is right for me. I am not foolish enough to believe you would ever choose me over Him, but I still can't give up. I love you too much to just let you end your life." Jacob's heartache evident is his words.

How could I say goodbye to this beautiful creature in front of me? He was my best friend, the only person in this world who truly knew me. Life without Jacob seemed extremely dreadful and gloomy. But to have what I wanted I had to sever our bond.

My thoughts were interrupted, before they could be completed, by Jacob standing up and pulling me to my feet.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked as I scrambled to get my footing.

"I think maybe it is time that you head back home." His reply contained no emotion.

Neither one of us spoke on the walk back to my truck. Jacob didn't even make an attempt to hold my hand as we walked; instead his hands were shoved down in the front pockets of his cut-off jeans. He walked me to the drivers-side door of my truck, and then turned to leave without saying a word.

"Jacob?" My voice quivered.

Jacob turned around, shot me a forced smile and started running in the direction of the forest. I could not move, I was paralyzed by the excruciating pain radiating from my chest. Slowly I slid down to the ground; this feeling was all too familiar.

I'm unsure of how long I sat crumbled on the ground next to my truck, when Billy wheeled out to me.

"Bella, you should head home before the rain starts." His voice was dry and matter-of-fact.

Looking up at the sky, all traces for the sun was gone and replaced with blackness foretelling the coming storm. Slowly, I stood up on shaking legs and pulled myself into the cab of my truck. I don't remember the drive home, my mind was numb.


	4. Chapter 4 Rebroken

**Chapter 4 Rebroken**

Charlie looked up at me as I walked into the house, "Bells, honey are you alright?"

"Fine, dad just tired. I'm going to bed." I answered unconvincingly.

Slowly I pulled myself up the stairs, and into my room. Edward stood from the rocking chair the moment I opened my bedroom door. Quickly he rushed over to me and drew me into him. His hard, cold embrace bordered on being physically painful. Tears burned my eyes and started streaming down my cheeks.

Edward soothingly stroked my back, trying to comfort me. I had to push myself out of his arms, due to the amount of guilt, I was feeling. Guilt over the fact that it was someone else's embrace I craved at that moment. I walked over and sat on the edge of my bed.

"Edward, I love you, but right now I just need to be alone, to clear my head."

Edward placed a soft kiss on top of my head and was gone before I could say another word. I fell back into bed, curled up in the fetal position and allowed my emotions to take over. My mind wandered over the events of the last couple days.

Charlie did not bother to check on me all night, I was unsure if whether it was due to his desire to avoid my emotional breakdown or if it was because the raging storm drowned out the sound of my hysterical sobs. The storm broke just as morning dawned. I had failed to sleep, but the hours I spent awake lead me to one conclusion; that I must see Jacob today.

It was too early to drive to La Push, so I decided that it would be best to try to get some sleep. Knowing that I would see Jacob later, gave me enough peace to be able to sleep. It was nearly 10:00 am before I woke.

I decided to call Jacob before I showered.

"Hello." Billy's voice answered after just two rings.

"Billy, I need to speak to Jake. Is he awake?" I tried not to sound too anxious.

"Bella, I have not seen him since you left yesterday." Billy did not sound alarmed.

"Do you have any idea where he is? I need to talk to him." My voice cracked with fear.

"Not sure where he is, but I'm sure he'll be home when he is ready. Jacob is hurt and he needs time to heal. It would be best if you gave him that time, Bella. He will call you when he is ready." Billy then ended the conversation.

I hung the phone up and just sat there sitting at the table in the kitchen. I looked down at the bracelet dangling from my wrist. Gently my fingers stroked the delicate wolf charm, Jacob's love and devotion evident in his work. Where could he be, when would I see him again? The hole in my chest burned.

Without the possibility of seeing Jacob today, I returned to my room. I drifted in and out of restless sleep. My nightmares were horrifying, my screams deafening and my crying endless. Awakened by a soft knock on the door, I turned to see Charlie with an apprehensive look that was recognizable from the past.

"Bells, you have me worried. It has been two days and you have made no attempt to get out of bed." The concern was obvious in Charlie's voice.

"I'm sorry Dad." Was all I could manage to say.

"Edward and Alice have stopped by to see you several times. I'm not sure what is going on here, but things can't be made right if you don't get out of bed." Charlie's reluctantness to engage in a deeply personal conversation was apparent.

"Has Jacob called?" I questioned hopefully.

"No, Bella, he has not called. But maybe it's time to just let him be, he's been hurt." Charlie replied knowingly.

I slowly sat up in bed. I know that I had repeatedly hurt Jacob, but how come in this moment I was the one feeling rejected. I needed to see him; I needed to try to mend things. My life was not complete without Jacob in it, that I was sure. But what did that mean, right now I was uncertain.

I thanked Charlie for caring and assured him that I would be okay. After I showered, I stood in front of the mirror astonished by my appearance. My eyes were swollen into tiny slits and my normally pale skin was even paler. My appearance was the least of my current worries. Quickly, I dressed and headed to my truck.

On the very familiar drive to La Push, my mind was in turmoil over what I would say once I came face to face with Jacob. That did not slow me as I pushed my old truck to the limits trying to reach the reservation border as soon as possible. My truck slowed in front of Jacob's house, I leaped out of the door almost before I had it completely stopped. Billy wheeled out of the front door, as if he had been expecting me. I speculated that Charlie had called ahead with a warning of my impending arrival.

"Bella, Jacob is not here. I haven't seen him for a couple of days. I think that it's best you head back home now." Billy's shortness revealed his feelings of blame towards me in regards to Jacob's disappearance.

"Could you please tell him that I am looking for him when he does get home?" I pleaded.

"I'll try to remember." Billy then turned his wheelchair around and vanished into the house.

I could not allow myself to be detoured by one missed attempt in locating Jacob. I knew that Jacob could not just disappear without Sam knowing where he was. Since Sam was the alpha of the pack, Jacob would be required to check in on a regular basis. I arrived at Sam and Emily's house hesitant of the welcome I would receive. My nerves did not mix well with my clumsiness, my legs wobbled like jello as I willed myself to not fall flat on my face. I reached the front door successfully, only tripping twice.

I unknowingly knocked on the front door with such force that I suspected my knuckles would later bruise. I was greeted by Emily, with her face turned up in a one-sided smile.

"Bella, I am so happy to see you, it has been too long since you have came over to see us. I have missed you." Emily cooed.

Emily was the most genuine person I had ever met. She was always willing to greet me with open arms, regardless of the drama or danger I had imposed on the pack. Her heartfelt sincerity spurred a new onset of tears. Emily reached for my hand and pulled me into her little house and over to the couch, where she placed a comforting arm around my shoulders. She did not speak; she just let me cry until my tears dried up. I looked up at her, my agony obvious.

"Emily, I need to find him, I have to talk to him." My voice quivered with emotion.

"I know that Jacob loves you, and I know that you love him. But is that enough? Are you willing to give up the life you have envisioned for yourself, to be with him?" Emily's words were not harsh but caring.

"I'm not sure what I plan to do, but I can't make those decisions until I speak to Jake." My words were slightly jumbled from all the sobbing I had been doing.

"Jacob has been here a lot recently, but I have not seen him since early this morning. Sam and him have been having what seem to be pretty serious discussions, but they have not let me in on what they have been talking about. I do speculate that it has something to do with you." Emily gently caressed my back in an almost motherly fashion.

"Would you please tell Jake, the next time that you see him, that I desperately need to see him." My voice disclosing my distress.

Emily and I continued to exchange brief small talk before I thanked her for her help. She walked me to the door and gave me a loving hug.

"Bella, I know that you will make the right decision." Emily whispered supportingly.

I left La Push skeptical of what my next move should be. I had been unsuccessful in finding Jacob. I also knew that I needed to see Edward; he had to be extremely worried about me by now.


	5. Chapter 5 Uncertainty

**Chapter 5 Uncertainty**

Once I arrived home, I called Edward asking him to come over to the house. Within two minutes Edward was knocking at the front door. I opened the door to see him standing there, my heart leaped at his breathtaking perfection. I melted into his strong embrace, tears threatening to spill over.

"Oh, Edward I have missed you." My words were frantic.

"I am here now, my love. " Edward said while planting kisses on top of my head.

We walked over to the couch, where Edward wrapped a blanket around me, so he could hold me close without causing hypothermia. It was amazing how agonizing the past couple of days had been, and then with Edward here next to me I was completely back under his spell.

"I love you." I murmured.

"Bella, I know things have not been easy for you lately. I question if you have began to develop second thoughts in the choices you have made." Edwards's voice did not expose any of his feelings.

"I have no doubts about my feelings for you. It's just that I have been struggling with the idea of not having Jacob in my life. He is my best friend, he is the only reason I survived when you left last year. I owe him more than what I am giving him." I was unsure of how Edward would respond to my confession.

"I am extremely thankful for what Jacob did for you in my absence, and I know that his feelings for you are deep. Please, Bella, take the time to figure this out. I am not going anywhere; I have all of eternity to wait for you. That is as long as you want me here." Edward's words always seemed to put me at ease.

Edward stayed the rest of that afternoon; he sat in the kitchen watching as I fixed meatloaf for Charlie's supper. I apologetically informed Edward that it would be best if Charlie and I had some alone time tonight because of my recent behavior. Charlie has been worried about me, and I felt that I owed him an explanation. Edward stated that he understood, and gave me an unexpectedly passionate kiss, that made my heart palpitate, before leaving.

Supper was waiting on the table when Charlie got home from work. He seemed impressed by my shift in moods. As he pulled his chair up to the table, I took a deep breath and began the necessary conversation.

"Dad, I was hoping we could take a moment to talk." My voice was soft but firm.

"Is there something that I need to know?" He looked up from his plate with concern.

"I just thought it would be nice if I could confide in you about what has been going on lately." I sounded on the verge of pathetic.

"Bells, you can always talk to me." Charlie was obviously uncomfortable.

"I wanted to explain the latest emotional breakdown that I had. And I was hoping that you would possibly offer some guidance." I briefly paused. "Oh, Dad, I'm afraid I have made a mess of things. I love Edward, but I just recently came to the realization of my true feelings for Jacob. I love Jacob too. How come things can't be easier?" I hated the way my voice whined

"I don't think that my opinion matters, you have to do what makes you happy. I have seen you with both, and I know that you do love both of them. It is surprising to me that it took you so long to realize your feelings for Jacob. It has been evident to everyone else for quite some time now." Charlie continued, "Do yourself one favor before you make your decision, take a close look at the person you are with each of them. You are a completely different person when you are with Edward, then you are when you are with Jacob. I'm not saying that one is better than the other, it is just something that you need to think about." Charlie continued to eat his meatloaf as if he had not just spoken from his heart.

I sat in my chair dumbfounded by Charlie's intuitive perception about things that I had never been aware of. We ate the rest of our supper in total silence. My mind was still trying to grasp the meaning in Charlie's observations. Was I not always the same Bella? I cleared the table and did the dishes after we were finished eating, then excused myself to my room to ponder Charlie's theory.

I sat on my bed thinking about the Bella I was when I was with Edward. When I was with Edward, I was careful and cautious, but of course I had to be around a family of vampires. I also suspected I was slightly reserved do to the fact that Edward and I were from different centuries. Edward was very proper and formal which directly affected my actions causing them to be slightly uptight. Regardless, my heart swelled when I considered how I felt around Edward, I was without a doubt, irrevocably in love with him.

Slowly, my thoughts shifted to Jacob, I was different when I was with him. I was able to be relaxed and somewhat reckless. Jacob was, with some exceptions, carefree and that reflected in the way I was around him. We had always been able to have fun and be lighthearted, that was of course until recently. We could be spontaneous and adventurous, but also completely content to sit in his garage all day doing nothing. As my thoughts circled around Jacob, a wide smile spread across my face at our many unforgettable memories. Little by little, Jacob had edged into my heart, healing it as he did. Through this reflection, I became painfully aware that I was more myself when I was with Jacob.

I laid back in my bed, covered my face with my pillow, not sure what any of this really meant. People were supposed to change things about themselves to be with the person that they loved, that was part of being in a relationship. And on the other hand, Jacob seems to be the person who made me truly happy. My rambling thoughts were getting me nowhere, so I decided to get ready for bed.

Once I was in bed, it did not take me long to fall into a deep sleep. I managed to sleep without any disturbing nightmares. Although, when I woke the next morning I had the strange feeling that Jacob had been here last night. I closed my eyes soaking up the idea that Jacob could have been in such a close proximity. As I opened my eyes, I noticed a folded piece of paper on my nightstand. My fingers were trembling and my heart was throbbing in my ears, while I slowly unfolded the paper.

Bells

I need to see you. Please meet me at our spot at noon.

P.S. I LOVE YOU!

Jacob

I had yearned to see Jacob for days, but now with the prospect of seeing him in just a few hours, I began to feel extremely nervous. Fearfully, I contemplated what Jacob wanted to talk about.

After showering and eating a bowl of cereal, I needed to find something to do to pass the time until I would see Jacob. While doing laundry my mind was free to wander. I found myself longing to be held in Jacob's embrace and inhaling his musky scent. My mind reminisced of days spent with Jacob in La Push, in a time that was less complicated. Jacob was my sun, he grounded me to earth, and he made me want to live. But was that enough to alter the course I had planned for my life? Maybe Jacob had already made that decision for me; he could possibly be going to tell me that he no longer wanted me in his life. Just the thought of a life without Jacob was unbearable.

The clock on the kitchen wall read 11:00, I decided to get in my truck and head for La Push. I planned to use the extra time to sit on the beach and clear my head before seeing Jacob.


	6. Chapter 6 Clarity

**Chapter 6 Clarity**

As soon as I parked my truck and began walking down to First Beach, my worries disappeared. This place was comforting, it felt like coming home. I strolled over to our piece of driftwood to wait for Jacob. There was a gentle breeze blowing, making me thankful I had decided to wear a sweatshirt. I sat staring up at the fluffy white clouds that danced in the sky, until I could feel someone watching me. I turned around to see Jacob standing behind me staring at me as if he had never seen me before. He seemed to be taking in everything about me, which made me feel self conscience.

"Jake, how long have you been there?" My voice cracked.

"Sorry, I was just watching you. You looked peaceful, I hated to interrupt." Jacob joined me on our bench. Instinctively, I laid my head on his shoulder, his arm encircled my waist.

"I have been looking for you the past couple of days, it seems as though you have been ignoring me?" I was too afraid to look at him.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I have made some pretty important decisions recently." Jacob's voice gave away nothing. I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes preparing for the worst. I could only nod my head to encourage him to continue. Jacob pulled me a little closer to his side before he began.

"The last time we sat here I realized that I was asking you to choose me, but I have nothing to offer you. I have turned my back on my responsibilities, I needed to prove to you and to myself that I am worthy of you." Jacob spoke with determination.

"I'm not sure what you are talking about?" My mind was turning in circles.

"Bells, I have talked with Sam, he is going to help me fulfill my rightful place in the pack as Alpha. I am going to start taking over some of the responsibilities now, and by my eighteenth birthday I will become Alpha." There was obvious satisfaction in Jacob's voice.

"I'm very happy for you, Jake." I opened my eyes and began to relax.

"I wanted to show you that I'm not just some young immature kid and that I can take things very seriously." Jacob took my hand in his, entwining his warm fingers through mine. "I want you to see me as someone that you can depend on, someone who tries to do their very best at all times." His vulnerability was evident.

My heart swelled with pride. "Jake, I don't think of you as a kid. You are more mature and have more responsibilities than most adults that I know."

"I just want you to know that I'm serious about my life and about us. I don't want to have any regrets or wish I had done something differently in the end." Jacob spoke as if he already knew things where not going to turn out the way he hoped for. I wanted to reassure him that I loved him and that I had not made any definite decisions yet. But I couldn't, I did not want him to get his hopes up, only to get hurt by me again.

"Jake, I have been terrified that you were going to tell me that you did not want to see me anymore. The past few days have been excruciating not knowing where you were and not being able to see you or talk to you. No matter what happens, I need you in my life." As soon as those words came out of my mouth, reality hit me hard. The fog and confusion I had been suffering from lifted; I could not live without Jacob.

Jacob turned to me, his eyes shining brightly, how was it that he could know what I was thinking without me ever saying a word. "Bella, I have told you over and over again, I will always want you here with me." His thumb was caressing small circles on the back of my hand, sending a tingling up my entire arm.

There was so much I wanted and needed to say to Jacob, but was this finally my decision, or was I just caught up in the moment of seeing Jacob? The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt him anymore than I already had in the past. Jacob slowly brought his hands up to hold my face, the heat igniting all the nerves in my face. I raised my head to meet his lips; at first the kiss was soft and hesitant. Little by little the kiss grew deeper, my mouth opened to allow Jacob's tongue to enter. My tongue met his with urgency. Jacob ever so slowly pulled back, his eyes still closed. As he slowly opened his eyes, again I could see the anguish I had repeatedly been inflicting upon him.

"I didn't intend for that to happen, I'm sorry, please forgive me?" Jacob's voice quivered with insecurity.

"Jake, I'm not angry. I'm just so confused. I don't want to continue to hurt you, but I also realize that I am hurting myself when I am away from you. I do not know how to make everyone happy; someone is going to get hurt, because of me." My voice was filled with desperation.

"Bella, please don't worry yourself with making everyone else happy, you need to focus on what makes you happy. You need to do what is right for you. I love you, and that won't change regardless of your decision. I know that my chances are not good, but I have to try and hope that you feel what I feel. But if you don't then that is something I will have to accept. My happiness will come from knowing that you have found happiness. The times we have shared together will stay with me for the rest of my life and I will be forever grateful for that. You are my best friend, this bond we share can never been broken."

Tears were starting to well up in my eyes, but I refused to let them be seen. I wanted to be strong, to be worthy of the love being offered to me from two very different, yet both equally incredible men.

"When did you become so wise and all knowing?" I joked trying to lighten the heavy mood.

"Well, it is about time you realize it." Jacob teased while puffing out his chest with exaggerated pride.

We continued to sit there in complete silence, no words needing to be said, each of us lost in our own thoughts. As I sat there on that log, I began to comprehend that my life could be this easy, this effortless. If this was the path I chose, would I one day have regrets? The answer was simple: No. Without any doubt, I knew Jacob and I would be happy, in the human world we were soul mates. But in the mythical world, that we were actually living in, there was so much more that created uncertainty. Could I give up all that I had with Edward knowing that one day Jacob might imprint on someone else, leaving me broken and alone?

Jacob leaned over to whisper in my ear. "I can hear the turmoil in your head; I swear to you that you would never lose me. I am yours now and forever. What I feel for you is beyond imprinting, it is indescribable."

My Jacob, he never stopped amazing me, I was forever an open book to him. I truly believe he knows me better than I sometimes know myself.

But his words did not stop the undeniable nagging in my brain; I had been left with my heart shattered once before. Would I survive if Jacob one day abandoned me, as Edward once did? And as frightening as that thought was, there was still one more factor that was far more terrifying: The Volturi. Jacob and his pack knew nothing of the Royal Vampire coven that threatened to destroy all of them if I stayed human. It was possible that Jacob would change his mind after hearing the horrific details of my trip to Italy.

"Jake, there is still so much that you don't understand." I went on to explain all the events that took place during my trip to rescue Edward.

Jacob turned to me taking my hands in his. "Bells, don't let your fear of some ancient bloodsuckers steal you away from me. If they decided to come for you, we would protect you. "

"I don't want to be responsible for endangering you and the pack anymore that I already have."

"Destroying vampires is what we live for; it is our purpose in life. The real tragedy would be for you to make your choice out of fear instead of listening to what your heart tells you is right. The idea of some decaying leeches attacking us does not compare to the unbearable thought of you choosing to become one of them. The moment that your heart stopped beating, so would mine. I don't think I could live in a world where you didn't exist, or even worse, in a world where you would be my mortal enemy. I love you too much for that."

"I love you too, but I need time. I'm so confused." I pleaded hoping not to inflict any more pain on Jacob than I already had.

"Sure, sure. I understand take the time you need. But please don't shut me out." The insecure teenage boy inside of Jacob was apparent.

As I drove away from First Beach that day, I was certain of three things: that I needed Jacob in my life, that I would not allow fear to persuade my decision and that I needed to see Edward. Edward needed to know my inner conflict. And without a doubt, being as perfect as he was, he would be all too understanding rather than angry with me.


End file.
